Old Habits
by georgemygeorge
Summary: RL/SB--- Sometimes old habits do die hard. Post-PoA-ish.


Remus looked up, startled by the knocking on the door.

"Merlin's beard… who could this be?" he muttered to himself, trying to ignore the small voice in the back of his mind which insisted, "You know who you _want_ it to be…"

He huffily pulled the door open, wand at the ready.

"Whoa, there! No need for that, Rem."

"Sirius!" Remus gasped, trying to act surprised, though, he finally admitted to himself, he had been hoping it would be his old friend. "What are you doing? You shouldn't be here! Surely the Ministry is still searching for you."

"Well… I assumed they'd already looked here," Sirius explained. He ran a hand through his matted black hair. It was longer than Remus had ever seen it. He had always loved Sirius's hair but now… it was different. Everything about Sirius was different, he noted, at least physically. It had been too dark in the Shack to really notice this before.

"I mean…" Sirius continued, "I expect they would have checked the homes of anyone who had been close to me after I escaped… especially yours…"

"Well, they didn't have to and they _won't_ have to. You can't stay here."

"Why not? Don't you still—"

"No, Sirius! I don't love you anymore." Even as Remus said it, he knew he was at least partially lying. Maybe what he still felt for Sirius really wasn't love, but he still felt drawn to him, his body unpleasantly and unwelcomingly aroused by Sirius's mere presence.

"Remus…" Sirius murmured, reaching out to touch Remus's arm.

"No, Sirius!" Remus violently jerked his arm away from Sirius's trembling hand. "Don't. I… can't."

"What do you mean, Moony? Why?"

"Don't _call_ me that, Sirius," Remus snapped back. He saw the doleful look in Sirius's dull, gray eyes. He noticed that, after years in Azkaban, they had lost their old, ever-present sparkle. Also, he noted that, in the harsh light of the lamp, Sirius's face looked especially haggard and thin. Remus suppressed a shudder, whether one of revulsion or pity he could not tell. He sighed, backing away.

"I just _can't_, Sirius!" He turned away, hoping to find a distraction.

"_I_ still love you, Remus…" Remus could hear a pitiable hint of hope in the barely audible statement. He looked back at Sirius, who was watching him with the sad, puppy-dog eyes he had perfected in their Hogwarts days.

"It's been too long," Remus protested, unaffected by Sirius's pitiful expression.

"That's a pathetic excuse, Remus, and you know it," Sirius remarked. "I assure you, it seemed much longer in Azkaban than it could have to any free man."

"Sirius…" Remus said in his best stern teacher voice though he was unable to mask his exasperation. He wasn't trying to _hurt_ Sirius. He only wanted… only wanted what? For Sirius to leave? Just for the night? Forever?

"Remus, it's been twelve years for me as well as you and those years have done nothing to change my feelings."

"Well, Sirius, obviously the rest of us aren't as resilient as you," Remus said humorlessly, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Moooooony…" Sirius whined.

"Don't be a _child_, Sirius!" Remus said, adopting the parental tone he used to use with Sirius so long ago. "For the past twelve years," he said, his anger rising again, "I've had to deal with the fact that I had been in love with a _murderer_!"

"But I'm not—"

"Well, I didn't know that at the time Sirius, did I? _Everyone_ thought you had killed them! Once I finally accepted it, I knew I had to forget you. I've spent these past twelve years trying to do just that." He cleared his throat. "Don't think it was easy for me, Sirius; I had a terrible time of it. It's hard forgetting someone with whom you spent _years_ of your life. You know, I had to leave the flat. Obviously…" he said, sweeping a hand toward the interior of the dingy cottage. "Everything in that flat reminded me of you, even the street it was on, even the kind of trees that grew in front of the building." His eyes began to glaze over with tears. "It was _horrible_, Sirius. I could barely bring myself to leave the house. Everyone we knew gave me strange looks…these pitying looks. They treated me so delicately, as if I might fall to pieces if anyone so much as said the word 'black.' Finally, though, I started to come around. Life ran a bit more smoothly for me. Then you escaped…" A sob wracked Remus's body. He clapped a hand to his mouth, stifling it. "Oh, God…" he muttered after he had regained control. "Look what you made me do." He looked up at Sirius through his roughly shorn fringe, forcing a sheepish smile.

Sirius spread his arms wide, inviting Remus into a hug. "Just a friendly hug, Rem," he said, smiling at Remus, who drew back from his grasp. "Come here!" he insisted, bounding forward and enveloping Remus in his arms. He rubbed Remus's stiff back slowly until he began to relax into the hug.

Remus wearily dropped his head onto Sirius's bony shoulder with a sigh. "What are you doing here, Sirius?"

"I wanted to see you, Moony. There were things I didn't get to say at the Shack." His warm breath stirred the hair near Remus's ear. An involuntary shudder of ecstasy ran down Remus's spine. "Like that, don't you?" Remus could just picture the smug smile that played across Sirius's lips as he spoke. "God, I've missed you, Moony," he said as he wrapped his arms tighter around Remus's body.

With their bodies in such close proximity, it didn't take long for Remus to notice the erection that was growing beneath the thin cloth of Sirius's Azkaban-issued trousers. He arched his body away from Sirius.

"Sorry," Sirius said, instantly understanding. "Old habits die hard, I suppose."

"Look, Sirius, don't apologize. I… understand what you're feeling. It's just that…" he paused, pulling away from Sirius's embrace. "It's just that…I'm scared," he finished in a whisper.

"Of what, Remus? That we'll be separated again? I promise you that that won't happen. I don't plan on ever being apart from you again, Remus. Whether you like it or not," he added.

Remus looked at him incredulously, his eyes red and puffy. He sniffled. "Why, Sirius? Why be with me? Look at me! I'm obviously not the man I was."

"Of course you are, Remus. If anything, you've gotten better with age, like a fine wine, really." Sirius held up a hand, preempting Remus's protest. "I think the gray hair is quite distinguished. It's not even gray. More of a silver. Now your hair is made of gold _and_ silver," he said, reminiscent of comments he used to make about Remus's hair when the sun would catch it just so. "You look absolutely gorgeous, Remus. Better than I could have ever imagined… Now, I, on the other hand…"

"You're gorgeous, as well, Sirius. Don't worry about that. The thinness can be remedied quite easily. Premature graying and wrinkles, though…"

"Remus, just shut up, would you?" Sirius said, recognizing that the new lightness of the conversation could only bode well for him. He grabbed Remus's hand and pulled him close.

Remus looked up at him, wide eyed. "Sirius… I—"

Sirius's lips stifled Remus's next words. Remus gave in immediately, having been fighting the urge to ravish Sirius all along. He was still angry that Sirius had tried to force himself upon him, but that was easily forgivable. Even after all these years, the mere sight of Sirius reduced his insides to jelly. No matter how hard he had tried to fight it, he finally admitted to himself that he had never truly stopped loving Sirius. He had simply managed to push away the unwanted memories and remember the Sirius he had fallen in love with at school.

"Well, that was easy," Sirius said against Remus's lips. "Should have kissed you sooner…"

"Sirius," Remus muttered back. "Be quiet." He fisted his hands in Sirius's tattered shirt. The thin cloth ripped loudly as Remus hastily pulled the shirt from Sirius's body. His lips immediately found Sirius's prominent collarbone, a spot to which Remus's lips had always been drawn.

"Moony!" Sirius gasped, his head lolling back, wantonly exposing his throat to Remus's mouth. "You've…certainly…changed your mind," he managed to pant between moans.

"As you said," Remus growled, "Old habits die hard."


End file.
